Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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