My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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