Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
