there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
