She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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