You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize