Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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