she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
