i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
