Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
