i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
