considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
