Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
