I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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