tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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