Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
