Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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