if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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