I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize