she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
porn star boner night. come get it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
