I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
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We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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