When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
