but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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