Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
