i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
