Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
