I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
