Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
