Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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