So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
NoShamevember. You game?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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