He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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