Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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