is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
