it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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