Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
