HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
