It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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