watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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