I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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