I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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