You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
