why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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