hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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