At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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