So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
