When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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