how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
