Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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