This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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