My room smells like vodka and shame
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
