I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
farters have to be the big spoon...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
