First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
