I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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