i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
