Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
