Your tits are I can't wait for
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
