He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
