Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
