Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
