he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
