I'm passing your future prison.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.