i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high