can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.