I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet