Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
