worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
