I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
