i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
