i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
