Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
