Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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