I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
