Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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