I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
