he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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